The Fixer

I recently discovered something about myself that probably everyone who knows me has known for years and for some reason never bothered to tell me – I’m a fixer.  I want to fix things.

Not fix things fix things, like fix the wheel on the lawn mower that fell off when I was using it, or fix the curtain rod that came out of the wall when Mischa the Cat decided it made a nice balance beam.

I want to fix the people in my life. I want to make everything and everyone perfect and happy and right with God so no one ever has any trouble.  I want to make everything better for everyone.  It’s not out of some sense of needing to control everyone around me (really, it’s not.  Seriously.  Um.  I don’t think it is.  Is it?).  It’s because I love my family and my friends and I just want them to be happy happy happy.

But God has done a pretty good job of pointing out to me that … well, I’m not Him.  It’s not my job to fix things, it’s His job.  So back off, Jack.  (Only He was a little nicer about it.)

My mantra, then, over the past little while, has become “I can’t fix it.”  Whenever I find myself getting tied up in knots about things over which I really have no control, I chant to myself, “I can’t fix it I can’t fix it I can’t fix it.”  Even my two-year-old granddaughter helps me with this – when we talk on FaceTime she sings to me, “Let it gooooo, Let it gooooo, can’t hold back {in my case, on} anymorrrrre.”  She’s so wise.

And it has worked really well to calm me and loosen those knots.  It has helped me focus on letting God fix things.

Until recently.

Lately I’ve noticed it’s not working as well anymore, and that’s a little irritating, because who wants to have to change mantras every few weeks, right?  I mean, really, it took me 58 years to find this one.  Plus Paige would have to learn a whole new song.

Today as I started getting ready to clean the house I was thinking about why my mantra wasn’t working and I had one of those flashes of insight that come every so often, a blinding light that illuminates everything for just a second and I can really see what’s going on.  I think God does that for me because He gets weary of waving His arms and jumping up and down and shouting “Hello!  Hello!  Can you HEAR me?????!!!!”

This particular flash went kind of like this (only much quicker for me than it’s going to go for you):

I was thinking about a certain situation in my life, and the knots started in my stomach, so I quickly began my “I can’t fix it” chant, to no avail.  Brow furrowed, I thought, okay, God, I can’t fix it, but I’m still in knots.  What’s the deal?

Why aren’t You fixing it, God?

FLASHflash

“I can’t fix it” worked for me because there was an attached implication that by acknowledging to God that I will back off and not try to do His job, I am fully expecting Him to step up and do it.  And by “do it” I mean do it the way I think it should be done.  The way I would do it if I were, in fact, still trying to do it.  And, by the way, do it now.

In other words, I’m not trying to fix it myself; I’m just stepping into the role of God’s supervisor and telling Him how to fix it.  And when to fix it.

Five times this past week, Romans 8:28 has been brought to my attention in different ways – And we know that God works all things for good for those who love Him, for those who are called according to His purpose.  Note the words “God works.”  Not “Sue works.”

Maybe it’s time to recognize that God’s thoughts are not my thoughts, and His ways are not my ways. Maybe it’s time to accept that just because I don’t understand how a certain outcome or situation could possibly, possibly, in any conceivable way, be “good” doesn’t mean that it isn’t good for me and those involved. I mean, I don’t understand how Siri knows all that stuff she knows, and yet, there she is.

I think I need to change my mantra.  Maybe to something like, You are God alone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xPzTSpbYmk&list=RD9xPzTSpbYmk

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One Response to The Fixer

  1. Pingback: It’s About Dang Time | QuickAndRandomMusings

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